Despair and Vocations

When  I first started reading the posts from Not Alone Series I thought it was such an awesome idea! It was really amazing to see other single Catholic girls who feel called to marriage like I do and for a second I thought, "I want to participate and be a part of this." And then... I felt too shy and maybe it's not completely me being shy it may be me being a little scared to actually put into writing what I feel.

This past week though, I was SO inspired by reading the different posts that I just knew I had to participate! I even started writing this early so I had plenty of time to get all my thoughts out. So thanks to all the girls who wrote such awesome posts last week! Linking up here!

Despair and Vocations

For as long as I can remember I've wanted to have a family and be a wife and mother someday. Combine this with my bad habit of excessively worrying about things I have no control over and that leads me to despair. 

In high school, I should not have devoted as much time as I did to worrying about if I would find someone to marry. I saw everyone else dating and worried if I didn't get a boyfriend soon I'd never find anyone. In College, ALL my close best friends have serious boyfriends of 1+ years. This has been an even harder challenge because it's really easy to be filled with despair when you're waiting and waiting and everyone else seems to have found their one and are on a clear road to marriage. I will be the first to admit there's been many times I can't help but think that I will never be married or perhaps I'm not doing something right, or perhaps I'm too picky. 

Those questions, that despair, it only leads to feeling worse and the best thing I can do to get away from it is to remind myself of some key things-

1. I know what I want in a husband and a marriage (and I mean things like faith and same morals and ideals not hair color). Would I rather wait longer and find a man who is filled with his faith and wants the same kind of family as I do or find a man now who isn't what I want, who is a compromise and perhaps most importantly not filled with faith? That questions also brings me right back from my despair because I can easily say I'd rather not marry than marry a man who wasn't what I wanted. 

2. God wouldn't give me a deep desire for marriage and motherhood for no reason. He has a plan for me and I must always find hope in that. 

I have even considered and thought of the possibility of not marrying and dedicating my life to God and becoming a nun.  I think it's good to think of other vocations and even to see them as a possibility that maybe they are the vocation for you, to realize which one is dearest to your heart.  Through seriously considering it as a possibility, it helped me realize marriage is something I really feel that I'm called too.


And  I think the most important thing of all that helps when I'm in despair about my vocation is just offering it up to God. Praying and telling him how I feel and asking for patience and complete trust in him. Sometimes I'm offering up my impatience and sometimes I'm offering up my confusion or just sadness about being stuck single but afterwards I always feel a little more patient and a little more content.